Moving continues apace! We started yesterday, and things are going well. We don't have internet until Monday, but I'm back at my parents' house to scrounge furniture and gather more of my books, so I'm poaching.

I don't think I've lifted this much Stuff in a very long time, if ever. Similarly, I don't think I've ever spatially reasoned this hard. And there's more to do...!

My awesome blue armchair of squish might not make it to the new apartment, which makes me very sad. I'm going to measure it and see.

Hi, if anyone out there is still reading this.

So. I have graduated from college (May 19), gotten a job (May... when was that? May 27th or 28th), and no longer have that job (August 6). I wasn't fired, per se, I just didn't pass the probationary period. Which sucks majorly in the short term, but is probably better for all parties in the long run--it wasn't a really good job for me, and the hours were wreaking havoc with my sleep schedule and mental balance, so again it's better for all parties. And I was thinking of talking to them anyway and saying "look, this isn't working out for me, thanks for everything, peace", but it's one thing to ask to leave and another thing entirely to be politely shown the door, y'know? So. Fnargh.

In other news, myself plus A plus Milgroin plus The Mob are going to move to an apartment on the 15th! Out of our respective parents' or parents'-of-girlfriend's houses, and into our own place. Which will be absolutely lovely. One of my cousins is moving to the area in about a week, and it'll be really nice to see her again. I think the last time I saw her was sometime in high school? She's a few months younger than I am, but also just graduated. It'll be good to be around to help her move, and oh yeah to move all of my and A's belongings. A has a job now, which is good. She got it yesterday, in one of the striking examples of how the universe likes to toy with people. Fortune's wheel goes round and round and all that.

Anyway. I'm feeling a bit shaky, so it's probably time to go downstairs and have some lunch. Food is a good thing, and while it's quite picturesque to waste away to nothing in my parents' attic, it's not terribly practical and will not lead to renewed employment.

I'm back at college now! Woo!

Exactly a week ago was the Honor Code Ceremony, introducing the firsties to what the thing was and what it meant. The Convocation Choir was also in attendance, as at the end of the ceremony we sang the Goodnight Song. We sang it mixed, and were spread out along the balcony. I had L, who is (I think) an alto on my right and someone else who sang the middle part on my left. We were hanging out for most of the ceremony, and Lindsay told us that we could bring a book or something. I had planned to bring the skirt to which I was adding pockets, but unfortunately I grabbed the wrong chunk of medium-blue cotton on my way out the door, and unfolded it to realize that I had the leftovers, not the actual skirt. Whoops. There were a bunch of seams that I could unpick, so I spent the hour or so doing that and chatting with L.

It was a really nice conversation. She's a sophomore this year, and we talked about religion. I've been thinking about church-shopping, which I suppose is a post for another time, but this summer was really very difficult, and something felt missing. Also, I'm kind of curious. I haven't experienced many formal religious services in my life, and the last time I went to any was I think some time in seventh grade during the Neighboring Faiths portion of Unitarian Universalist religious education. I was asking L about what her faith/s were, and we shared our stories and coming-outs and it was really, really lovely. 

During this, a Thought was brewing in the back of my head, and here it is:

That conversation, for me, symbolized what the Honor Code can be.

I didn't really know L all that well, but I still felt entirely comfortable talking to her about some really personal things. More importantly, I could have that conversation knowing that she would keep it in confidence, just as I would keep her story in confidence. It was just a lovely moment/realization.

EDIT: I realized the date, and dug through my wallet to find the copy of the honor code that I signed at the ceremony when I was a firstie. I signed that card exactly three years ago. :-)

(no subject)
Uh... hi! Again. This summer has been a really crazy one. My parents were away for most of it, and it was extremely difficult.

Anyway. Today was my last day of work for the summer, and possibly for good. It was a bittersweet day. In some ways it was great--I gave an awesome tour and spent the afternoon on the lawn playing graces with little kids and the other young lady rangers. In other ways... I've been working at this museum for three seasons now, and it's kind of strange to realize just how much I've changed since I started. I was eighteen years old when I began, and I'm twenty-one now. I am in such a different place in my life now. Back then I was still with The Fluffy-Headed Idiot. I barely knew Milgroin, and had just met A. On a lighter note, I had longish blond hair and still wore glasses for my convergence insufficiency (which seems to have fixed itself about a year ago).

A few days ago I was talking with the other ranger who'd been there since 2010, and he said that he was impressed with how much I'd grown up over these three years. It was kind of strange, because I'd always somewhat looked up to him. I think this was his fifth season, so my first season was his third. It's always strange to reach the points where people you looked up to were when you met them.

That general idea is bouncing around in my head because in two days I go back to school to start my senior year. I've met a firstie on tumblr, and have tentative plans to get tea with her at some point during her orientation/choir summer camp, and it is so weird to remember being a firstie. The seniors all seemed so wise, and so much older than I was. If one of them had offered to get tea with me, I would have squeaked and run away that they'd notice me! Okay, perhaps not, but it's strange to remember how I looked at the upperclasswomen and wonder if that's how people are looking at me.

In other words, growing up is weird. I'm not sure if I like it.

(no subject)

Aside from not having posted in many months, I seem to be in some kind of funk. It's not disgusting out--okay, kind of humid (apparently) but not precipitating. This headcold that's been bugging me for a week seems to be clearing up, which is good. All in all, it's a good time to walk to the center of town to go to the library and do some grocery shopping. I also need to put clear nail polish on the hems of my heavily-doodled cutoffs so they don't unravel any more.

So why am I still sitting here?

I'd get a confirmation of the potential depression diagnosis the counselor at school gave me in March, but that would involve calling my doctor and asking for suggestions of who to talk to, and that ultimately involves effort. Which is kind of the sticking point here.

Come on, my girl. Up you get.

Drag Ball 2012
Good lord, I haven't posted in over a month. I'm still alive!

So last night was the annual Drag Ball event. I had been undecided about going for a while, but when A told me that they still needed someone to help with the first shift, I decided to be helpful. I was also pretty curious--how were people going to interpret "drag"? I enjoy people-watching, and this seemed like a prime opportunity.  I also enjoy dressing up, and since A has a tuxedo in her closet...

Yesterday morning A, JF, KT the stage manager and I went forth to find a ridiculous dress for A. She ended up in a red 80's number, with large poofy wing-like sleeve things, that made her swan about singing A Shady Dame from Seville. The 80s-ness of the dress demanded an equally large quantity of hair, so we stopped at Dollar Tree where she acquired a knit cap and lots of pre-curled yellow ribbons, to make a wig. There was a Sally Beauty Supply right next door, so I went in and bought makeup for the Big Broadcast.

Duke Orsino came over and did makeup for both of us. I got sideburns, eyebrows, and a slightly curled moustache, while A got lots of eyeshadow and the red lipstick I bought for Beatrice Smith, my 1942 alter-ego.

When we got to Chapin, I was assigned to be a floater--wander around and help whoever needs helping. I ended up standing next to the exit door, preventing people from coming back in this way and pointing them to the front door. Everyone was really nice about it, but sometimes my body would move more quickly than my tongue and I would step forward into the paths of the tall scantily-clad men walking in. 

It was really strange. I'm not a very tall person, and most of the time when a tall man I don't know is walking forward I get out of the way. But I was wearing a tuxedo, and a bowler hat, and I had a moustache. The tux jacket is too large for me, so it made my shoulders feel about four feet across. Somehow, in these very manly clothes, I had no problems using my body to stop people. I was standing in a wider stance than I usually do (man stance!) and that helped with the feeling of authority, but a lot of it was the suit.

...Yeah. I was going to say more, but it's really cool how clothing shapes your body language. I don't think that I had had such a concrete experience of that before.

Now I need to go back to work... this can totally count as a Gender Studies response paper, right??

Thoughts on The Hounds of Baskerville
Moar Sherlock!

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And then the final shot OH MY GOD WHAT. Next week is Reichenbach, and I'm just bracing myself for Sherlock and Moriarty to start to tip over the edge of the fall, and then credits. Or however they choose to interpret it. I'm calling it now--the episode will end right at the most tense moment possible.

Thoughts on A Scandal in Belgravia
Now that it's settled in my head somewhat, some reflections. (Under a cut in case you haven't seen it yet.)

Spoilers!Collapse )

I had intended to post about finals, and Christmas, and the holidays in general, but they were happening. There are really only two hours left in this crazy, crazy year, and I had intended to do a lot of this on paper, but I suppose here is as good of a place as any.

2011 was a good year, but rather strange. I'm ending it the way I started it, really--talking with A, while I am here in Massachusetts and she's in Minnesota. A lot has changed in the intervening twelve months, even just between us. As she says, it's an awesome relationship that continues to be awesome. As always, I don't want to be too sappy on the internet, but... we've grown so much closer over this year, and I only hope it can continue.

I have to admit, a lot of 2011 was, to a degree, colored by the last few weeks of the semester. I mean, how to reflect upon a year when the freshest part of it is basically a mental breakdown? I spent quite a bit of time processing and thinking about some really difficult shit, and even though none of it actually happened in this calendar year, it was all still there.

But there were good things in this year, too. I designed, purchased, made, or rented costumes for a play all by my lonesome, flying totally by the seat of my pants, and it all worked out well. I spent another summer working at a place I love, doing something I love, with awesome people. I made people cry, bwa ha ha. I was a part of an amazing production of a really powerful play. I learned a new language. (And forgot it all, but hey.) I was elected to a board position by my peers. I survived my first 300-level seminar class. I found a group of people who will support me in my dorkiness. I went to a concert of Brahms' Requiem by myself, and was okay with that. I heard Messiah in a beautiful chapel that, though I'm not Christian, is still a sacred space for me. I found another space like that. I sang in a church to 800 people, many of whom were alumnae. I sang a 16th-century polyphonic piece with an amazing choir, and we kicked ass. I dyed my hair, and found that I really like being a redhead. I auditioned for and got into a new choral group (Vocal Jazz).

Most of all, in this year I think I learned to stand up for myself a little bit more. I've learned that it's okay to say "no, I can't do this thing for you". I'm still not the best at actually saying it, but I can now, and that's a really good thing.

What do I want for 2012? I want peace, within my brain and beyond. I want to continue to stand up for myself. I want to feel on top of my life for more than a day at a time.

But mostly, I want to continue having an awesome-on-the-whole life.

Giving Thanks
Happy pie-day, flist! A list of things for which I am thankful:

1) Food. Maybe it's on my mind because I have consumed rather a lot of it today, but there is enough food in my life, and enough food that I can eat without triggering my celiac, which is important.

2) Music. I honestly do not know where I would be without the emotional release that singing provides. No matter what has happened in my day, I can start humming or singing, and I'll feel better. Walking out of Chorale rehearsals, I'm usually tired but always exhilarated; I love the people, I love what we're working on, and I love the power of it.

3) Friends and family. Fairly obvious, but I am so glad that there are so many people in my life to whom I can go when I need anything--a hug, a laugh, a cry.

4) My college and my high school. I went back to my high school yesterday for the annual Thanksgiving assembly, and it was wonderful to see many of my teachers again. They remembered me, and were interested in what I was doing, and I'm so very glad I went to this wonderful, difficult, amazing, batshit-crazy-making place. College is the same way--it's hard, and terrifying at times, but I am loving (almost) every second of it.

5) There are some individual people for whom I am immensely thankful; A, Duke Roy, Mamma M, Milgroin, Kim, and Lindsay most particularly. Kim and Lindsay have both done so much for my singing, and therefore my self-confidence, that I can't even begin to thank them.

Now to curl up with A and digest and watch The Fellowship of the Ring. <3


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