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I had intended to post about finals, and Christmas, and the holidays in general, but they were happening. There are really only two hours left in this crazy, crazy year, and I had intended to do a lot of this on paper, but I suppose here is as good of a place as any.

2011 was a good year, but rather strange. I'm ending it the way I started it, really--talking with A, while I am here in Massachusetts and she's in Minnesota. A lot has changed in the intervening twelve months, even just between us. As she says, it's an awesome relationship that continues to be awesome. As always, I don't want to be too sappy on the internet, but... we've grown so much closer over this year, and I only hope it can continue.

I have to admit, a lot of 2011 was, to a degree, colored by the last few weeks of the semester. I mean, how to reflect upon a year when the freshest part of it is basically a mental breakdown? I spent quite a bit of time processing and thinking about some really difficult shit, and even though none of it actually happened in this calendar year, it was all still there.

But there were good things in this year, too. I designed, purchased, made, or rented costumes for a play all by my lonesome, flying totally by the seat of my pants, and it all worked out well. I spent another summer working at a place I love, doing something I love, with awesome people. I made people cry, bwa ha ha. I was a part of an amazing production of a really powerful play. I learned a new language. (And forgot it all, but hey.) I was elected to a board position by my peers. I survived my first 300-level seminar class. I found a group of people who will support me in my dorkiness. I went to a concert of Brahms' Requiem by myself, and was okay with that. I heard Messiah in a beautiful chapel that, though I'm not Christian, is still a sacred space for me. I found another space like that. I sang in a church to 800 people, many of whom were alumnae. I sang a 16th-century polyphonic piece with an amazing choir, and we kicked ass. I dyed my hair, and found that I really like being a redhead. I auditioned for and got into a new choral group (Vocal Jazz).

Most of all, in this year I think I learned to stand up for myself a little bit more. I've learned that it's okay to say "no, I can't do this thing for you". I'm still not the best at actually saying it, but I can now, and that's a really good thing.

What do I want for 2012? I want peace, within my brain and beyond. I want to continue to stand up for myself. I want to feel on top of my life for more than a day at a time.

But mostly, I want to continue having an awesome-on-the-whole life.


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